“I will not stay up late at night waiting for an apology from a man who has no remorse over calling women and using abusive language towards women.” Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Today a male reporter wrote me: “I saw your Instagram page. Interesting. Why vote for X over Y?”
Two male reporters contacted me after they saw my Instagram story posting an angry text I got from a male colleague after a vote (not the first, or second). Both asked me why I voted the way I did. Neither mentioned the inappropriate, gender laden text message I posted. By the way, here is what a quick google search of “femme fatal noir” produces— “projection of misogynistic inadequacy,” “reaction against women’s liberation,” “moral disruptor, to crazy b — — .”
Most of my career, I have downplayed or hidden micro and macro aggression from men, in the media, in person or behind my back. I took it as a part of my job. And I was exhausted by the idea of educating each person each time it happened or explaining to the larger community why I felt this behavior more easily and conveniently slips into interactions with women, young women and Asian American women.
Racism and sexism are pernicious and appear in many forms. All forms are wearing.
Progressive women silence these interactions to “support” likewise progressive men who are a part of our agenda and movement.
Women of color do this to support our likewise beleaguered men of color.
At best, we have quiet conversations and hope men learn and grow.
Just 48 hours prior to this vote, this particular former elected and I had one of those quiet conversations about his past inexcusable behavior and angry tirades. We had a good talk and he committed to working on supporting young women and women of color who step back or are pushed back. I committed my #1 vote to him.
Regardless of what he or I thought was said on Monday in regards to my #2 vote at the San Francisco Democratic Party vote, his response to my action was unacceptable.
I am concerned that in our “call out” culture, nuance and humanity have been stripped away. I believe he is a good guy. I believe he, as many men claim when their gendered actions are brought to light (ie. Representative Yoho), is good to his female partner and daughter.
But I am tired of sweeping away micro and not so micro aggressive behavior of men towards women because they may be a good progressive vote. And I want to stop papering over these interactions to avoid having *MY* intentions or progressive credentials questioned.
I am not asking anyone to retract their support for him. And I do not want to diminish his political career or cancel his role as a leader.
But we do need to make it clear that this behavior will not be condoned in our community and demand these men to STEP UP and be the leader and public servant we hope for and need.
